New Look, Fresh Start. "

The words were staring up at me as I left my very complicated living situation this morning. Cover of an interior fashion magazine. I say fashion because what is contained between the pages isn't design, it is stuff upon stuff covered in paint or fabric with no relevance to design. Just stuff. This is how I feel about my life right now. It is just stuff. And somehow I need to spruce it up, find a new look, a fresh start. I am littered with former lovers who wont let me go, question constantly if I want to be let go, someone knew, a dog, a kid, my mother and the damaged relationship that is the mother/daughter paradigm. This is an exercise in self indulgence, I know this. There are women who wish for this resource or knowledge. I am not sure how to make peace with that concept. But I am tired of being alone; in voice, in a generation of women who were told we could have it all with no understanding of what having it all would mean. No one had a clue, no adult was responsible enough to think about what having it all would mean. We are now judged based on the criteria of our mothers using this shift in ideology which allows my daughter to walk around half naked and I can't say a word. It allows us to be tattooed and hip, wear skinny jeans and wonder why my dear friend has an ombre dyed tee shirt from a mall shop which should be worn by a teenager. Are we wearing ombre knit wear? Is a concert tee appropriate? High wasted jeans? Jeffery Campbell shoes? Dating a man half my age because men my age want women half their ages, so we date each others future husbands and wives until the novelty wears off."

"

It is just one woman's experience, one voice. A friend was asked, recently could one person change the world. He said no. I am not trying to change the world at large. Just if you take the time, try to change your world for the better. Maybe we connect, maybe you find something to relate to, to embrace. But when you are driving down the high way and run over the remnants of a couch, you think to yourself, "really, a couch?" Maybe we all run over couches and are late to work. But if we don't share our stories to make the world a better place, then why are we here?"